The Engagement

I did something yesterday that I know was stupid, but honestly it was so reactionary that while I could see it was wrong, I just couldn’t stop. Like a cornered animal, I just had to lash out! I recently learned that the ex-Hubs is engaged. Yup, apparently 4 days after our divorce was final he is engaged.

stupid.jpgIt isn’t as if I want him back, it isn’t that I care that much about what he is doing in his life, and as far as I am concerned she can have him; but this waive of embarrassment and fear washed over me and I was on fire. Wait, wait…here comes the DUMB part. I called him. Yup, I can literally feel you all shaking your head at me!

I just felt so disrespected that she would post on social media and he wouldn’t warn me. I felt so embarrassed that 17 years of being together was being cast aside so easily. I felt this wave of fear about what people must be thinking or saying about me. A couple of things,

  1. I know this is completely irrational
  2. I know that posting on social media is what people do with their life. Hello, it’s what I am in school for!
  3. I know that he has absolutely no reason to share anything about his life with me, as I do not need to share my life with him

failed-marriagesYet, none of this mattered! In the moment all I could think is that I was feeling hurt and angry. I was feeling embarrassed and afraid. I was feeling shame and inadequacy.

Well, of course I got fed a load of crap! “I still think about you and our life everyday”, “I wish I could go back and rewind time”, “I just keep making huge mistakes”…blah, blah, blah!

I hung up the phone and felt absolutely no better. Why? Well, I didn’t need anything from him. I didn’t need him to apologize or empathize, I didn’t need him to say how much he wished things were different, I didn’t need to hear any of it! Instead, I needed to understand why I was feeling the way I was, and by talking to him all I did was show him that he still had an affect on me.

So, here is the reality. I hate the feeling of a “failed” marriage, of not being a “wife” and of not being in the place that I worked hard to build for myself. I feel shame over the fact that I couldn’t do anything to save my marriage and that people see me as someone who got “dumped”. I feel not good enough and unable to trust and I hate that I feel these things because it makes me appear weak (at least in my head).

15b2c4f417b2dfc03e5858ba67110e74All this being said, I came away with a couple huge lessons. One, give it the 24 hour rule (thanks Dad!). Second, I need to get over thinking or worrying what people “think” about me, mostly because the way I think they are thinking about me isn’t even correct.

So, I ask all of you…What do you do to let go of the worry of people’s perception of you or your assumption of what others think?

Here is a video by one of my life mentors…Mel Robbins


2 thoughts on “The Engagement

  1. Becky says:

    What someone thinks about you typically has nothing to do with you – it’s a reflection on them. When someone judges you, you can rest assured that their opinions are based on nothing but their perception of themselves and their own insecurities.
    The only person that needs to like you is YOU!
    If it makes you feel any better, I like you, too!! 😘


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