So, the last post I wrote was HEAVY! I mean I thought it was a little dark and that there was some evidence of hope at the end, but I got plenty on comments from my family that were really concerned. I will say that re-reading it, it is damn dark but I also know that after I wrote that stuff down and got it out of my brain, I instantly felt better. Sometimes you just need an outlet. It’s like the rolling in of a thunderstorm to make way for a gorgeous clear sunset.
The craziest thing about how I have been feeling is that I never have felt like the future is hopeless, it’s more of the immediate that weighs me down. To go through such change and to not really have any choices about it, is the hardest part. Through it all, however, I have faith in myself that I will be ok. That’s the thing about hope. Even when you have nothing left, if you have hope, you still have something.
I really do still have a lot going for me. I am on my last year at school and cannot wait to see where I can go on my new career path. I am taking way more time to focus on myself…working out, eating better, spoiling myself with nails/hair appointments. I have an amazing group of friends and family that I have been getting to spend way more time with. I am setting out to travel and experience the world, something that I have always dreamed of doing! I know that someday I will have someone as my partner for this next season of life (if that is what I choose).
This roller coaster is not over yet. There will still be days that suck, days that the darkness or sadness creep in. I know that. Those small things that seem to trigger a waterfall of emotions and fear will still exist. But with each day, I will put two feet on the ground and look forward not back. I will build the life I want for myself and end up in a place even better than I thought I could have.
So as you can see, no matter how dark that last post was; I needed it. I needed the cathartic release of putting ink to paper (as they say) and letting all of the gloominess fade from me to the page.
Sometimes you just got to get the feelings out. You have to flood the page with raw emotion, and even cry a little as you are typing the painful truth of the fear and chaos that you are in. So I pose a question to you all as my readers…what is your outlet? For my sister it is painting, for me it is obviously writing…what is yours?