Like breaking up, reaching out to people is hard to do. Some days because you don’t want to be an inconvenience. Others because you feel like the rejection of someone would hurt too bad. Sometimes it’s because a lot of time has passed or you are in a different place than the last time you reached out. And then there is always that foolish pride that yells, “Hey, if they were your friend YOU wouldn’t have to reach out. Why do you ALWAYS have to do the work?” My response is to try to ignore that negative bit, but it does make me wonder…
Are some relationships worth the work?
I had a girlfriend that literally rocked my world. I know that sounds strange but she just GOT me! From day one we were in sync. We laughed and cried together. We shopped, and lunched, and happy houred together. Quickly she became the Sonny to my Cher, the Snoopy to my Charlie Brown..and then it just died.
To be fair I lost my grandfather and was in a really bad place emotionally but the sync just fell off. She would try, I would try, but our tries always seemed to not connect. It’s like an old record player that plays the song too slow or skips, it just doesn’t sound the same. We drifted apart almost as quickly as we had came together and that was it. OVER.
Not that either of us did anything wrong, it just ended. But, after many months of thinking of her, I decided to reach out. I was nervous as hell! At 5:43 am I sat on the toilet (seat cover closed y’all) and as my hands began to sweat, I wrote her an email. It took me just 30 minutes (almost exactly) to spew my 4 paragraphs. I wrote about how I was sure this was going to be a surprise. About how sorry I was that I wasn’t able to be a better friend at the time. I wrote that I missed her and that I thought about her, that I wished her family well and that is wasn’t her fault. Tears ran down my face as I remembered the zombie state I was in after I lost my grandfather, as I remembered what fun we had and how much I missed having her as a very good girlfriend.
As I hit send I instantly regretted it. I thought of all the things I could have said that would have been smarter, funnier, more thoughtful. I kicked myself for rushing it. Like a girl waiting after a first date for a guy to call, I checked my phone every few minutes. It was aggravating, excruciating, PAINFUL!
Finally, it came! I was dying! I opened the email and was shocked as I read her 3 sentences. That’s it…3 sentences!
I am surprised.
We are well.
No hard feelings.
And that summed it all up. Our whirlwind of an amazing relationship was over. I had reached out and grasped a whole lot of NOTHING! That’s when it hit me, this was a LOT of work! While we were in sync at the beginning, once we got past our honeymoon phase it was A LOT OF HARD WORK. A lot of misunderstandings, hurt feelings, craving more attention.
Then I thought about it. I looked to find her on Facebook; unfriended. I looked to see if she was still connected to me at all…NOPE. So I had held on, I had hoped and I had reached for someone that was already done.
So, I am going to chalk this relationship up to one that taught me more about myself, one that showed me what I find important about the people I have in my life and one that showed me that even when things get hard and there is distance…I will always reach out.
This relationship may be over but I have so many wonderful girlfriends in my life! Relationships that I hold so dear to my heart, and maybe even a little dearer now. To those that stand by me even when I push you away, to those that share in my laughter as well as my tears and those that can be separated by years and miles and yet pick up where we left off….THANK YOU!
So what do you do to work on your relationships? And how much work is too much work?