You grow up watching Pretty Woman or Say Anything, Love Actually or 10 Things I Hate About You and you think, “that is how love should be.” We think the guy should “fight” for you. We think kisses should be slow and he should gently place his hand on your jaw. We feel like there should be a dramatic moment that he shows up and saves the day or makes the BIG gesture. Well, that is not how it works. We have been fooled.
Maybe once or twice you get something resembling these moments. Maybe there is one kiss like that, but they are not all like that! I don’t know why we push ourselves to feel like love or relationships should fill these check boxes of a movie script. Really, if you think about it, the movies have made it almost impossible for guys to get it right.
I mean what guy is going to live up to Patrick Swayze grabbing Baby from the corner and doing a perfect dance onstage in front of an entire auditorium? What guy is going to live up to a super rich Richard Gere rescuing a gorgeous hooker from her fire escape. This shit just doesn’t exist! First of all, you shouldn’t be a hooker, but if you are you should definitely not sit around waiting for Richard Gere to come save you!
They should make some more realistic movies. Make the guy normal. I am not saying that my husband is not gorgeous, but we are both just normal people. His grand gestures are flowers every now and then, something special like a camera lens on our anniversary, and the check in phone calls at lunch time to see how my day is.
He will not play some meaningful pop ballad while cooking me a candlelit dinner and then break into a sporadic slow dance in the kitchen with my perfect hair, perfect make-up, and perfect body.
He instead comes home from the gym, a sweaty stinky mess, to a wife with a messy bun, equally as sweaty from my workout and a eyeliner running under my eyes like that of a NFL lineman. When we kiss, it’s a nice smootch. It’s not a long slow-motion, perfectly aligned, and face grazing kiss.
What those movies don’t show is financial conversations, cleaning beard trimmings from around the sink, or work and family drama causing crabby bickering matches with no real winners. It doesn’t show the silent dinners where we are both too tired or stressed to talk. They don’t show the dog scooting up between us in bed so our morning cuddles become puppy cuddles instead. They don’t show REAL life!
I guess what this rant is all about is perspective. We need to change or expectations from that of some unrealistic movie and see that what we have is something to be grateful for. With all the problems that life throws at you, your partner is that one person that should love you through it, not do any grand gesture, just show up!
What does your partner, friend, loved one or spouse do that makes you feel special? What are the moments that you share that are so much more meaningful that some generic script in a rom-com? Is there one thing in those rom-coms that you do wish your person did?…(it’s ok to want more, but you have to be able to tell someone that too. Remember they are not mind readers.)