You Can Turn Your Back On Me, But I Am Still Here

Have you ever been disciplining a toddler and they close their eyes at you? Their lids shut, they clamp their little chubby hands over their faces, and they turn their nose just slightly up to the sky in protest to their verbal punishment. They think that as long as they don’t see you, then you don’t see them either.


Well, that is how a child acts, but have you ever had someone (a grown someone) literally turn away from you to avoid being in your presence?


It’s one of the biggest rejections. Its the, “You are not even worthy to be witnessed in my presence.” Its the, “If I ignore you, you are invisible.” I-N-V-I-S-I-B-L-E! One of the worst feelings anyone can have. To feel like they are not there. To turn your back on someone is worse than being bullied. To me, it’s worse than just about anything you could physically do to me, it is heartbreaking!

aEven more heartbreaking is when it is someone that has promised to love you, promised to have your back, promised to be a support. In that one simple action, a bulldozer has demolished your sandcastle. Not just a little destruction, an excessive and earth-shattering destruction.

Recently this happened to me. It literally stole the air from my chest. Had we not been in public I would have crumbled to the floor and been gasping for air. This one moment has now defined the rest of this relationship and it will never be the same. Even if I could forgive this person, I would be forever scarred by what they did.

bWorst yet, it wasn’t just one person, but it was a group of people. It was a group of people I have dropped everything for at a moments notice, a group of people that I have celebrated with and loved since the moment they were in my life. Well, that’s gone and it feels like a death.

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I feel like I am grieving a terrible loss, that I am covered in a veil of sadness. Like grief, I will have to move through this. I will have to walk the path to get to the light again, but there will be light! These people have not ruined me for good, they have only set a few obstacles in my way.

Do you know what it feels like to be invisible? Do you know what it feels like to have those you love turn their back on you? What do you do in those times? What helps you get back on your feet and breathe through the pain?


3 thoughts on “You Can Turn Your Back On Me, But I Am Still Here

  1. the incurable dreamer says:

    Sarah, I am so sorry this happened to you. You are not alone, though. In the last 18 months, I have had to overcome paralyzing pain caused by someone who I trusted but inconceivably betrayed that trust. It was not easy, and some days I struggled just to breathe. I couldn’t understand how she could have done what she did. But then, I realized that there was no answer for her actions and that I mattered too much to keep wasting my time thinking them. So I let her go and focused on the people who were positive influences in my life and the ones who made me happy. I wrote, and then I wrote some more. And I did things that made me happy until one day I realized that she was no longer hurting me. I had moved so past it, that it was impossible to remember how she had ever cut me so deep in the first place. There is so much strength inside of each of us, and it is through events like these, and seemingly insurmountable pain that we learn exactly what we are made of and who we are. And to me, that is the light that shines in the darkness. It is going to hurt, but you have so much strength within you and will overcome this. Believe that.


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