People disappoint each other, there is no way around it. Sometimes someone cannot show up to an event, sometimes a friend just cannot give you the time and attention that you are needing. Some things are just out of their control and others are choices they have made. So, in those times what do you do? How do you handle the BIG disappointments and what makes one offense worse than another?
When someone disappoints us it kind of feels like you’re standing still and not sure what to do. Anger, fear and sadness mix together. Questions start popping up all over the place. “What did I do?” “Was this my fault?” “Am I not good enough?” “Do I tell the person how I really feel?” “Should I never talk to them again?”
You are totally allowed to feel these feelings! You can be mad and sad and hurt and questioning, that is natural. The unnatural is when you STAY in that place! While it is hard to move forward, it is the most healthy thing to do and it takes the power from them and gives it back to you. Here are some things that can help.
- Write a letter to the person who hurt you. You don’t have to send it but write down why your feelings are hurt and what this disappointment has meant to you. This way you are concentrating of your feelings and not just lashing out. Also, you may not want to send the letter but at least you have organized your thoughts and gotten to the real reason for your hurt.
- Communicate your feelings. If you want a behavior to change, the only way a person can change is if they know what is going on. If you don’t explain what they have done and how it hurt you, you cannot expect them to just assume or be mind readers.
- Don’t set unreal expectations. Just because you tell someone how they hurt you, this does not mean they have to change or even accept that they have hurt your feelings. You have to communicate and let it go.
- Move forward in whatever healthy way is best for you. If this means that this person is cut out of your life or that you readdress your relationship and place less into it, then that is ok. This is a decision that only you can make and only make it once you have really considered your feelings and the value that the relationship brings to you.
- Say good-bye or move forward. It is not fair to hold something over someone forever, so either move forward with that person and work toward a better place or say good-bye. Not every relationship is supposed to last forever and that is ok. Just remember that this does not have to be permanent and that forgiveness and rebuilding is possible.
For more, check out this awesome article that explains just how hard it is to deal with disappointment from the people you love and ways to cope with these moments.
How do you move forward? Who disappointed you and how did you cope?
Recipe: Blackened Caesar Salad Wraps
2 tbsp blackened seasoning, click here for a recipe
2 boneless skinless chicken breasts, pounded flat
3 cups shredded romaine lettuce
2 tbsp shredded parmesan cheese
2 – 3 tbsp Caesar dressing
1/4 c small cube croutons
2 – 4 large herb wraps or tortillas
Rub chicken with blackened seasoning. Grill or bake until cooked through. Put aside to cool. Place lettuce, parm, and croutons in a bowl. Add dressing and mix until all is coated. Chop chicken in bite sized chunks. On wrap place salad in the middle, then add chicken on top. Wrap like a burrito. Serve immediately.
You can also add small cherry tomatoes (halved), cucumber (seeded), or omit croutons.