I always thought I would be a mommy. It was just something that I thought was inevitable. Everyone I have known has said that I would be such a good mom. So, what happens when those thoughts and dreams you have for yourself don’t happen?
For a while we tried; almost 7 years with no luck. But when I came home with a bag of ovulation testing kits, the Hubs and I knew this was going to take a little work. Through not “feeling it”, dealing with drippy snotty nose colds, and six months of testing, nothing had happened. This was the darkest time for me.
Every time I would hear of family, friends, or co-workers having babies, I would spiral into a sad place. Don’t get me wrong, I am lucky to have married a wonderful man with an amazing daughter but, I really wanted us to have a child of our own. So, with no luck during our ovulation testing and a huge fear that answers would come with blame and resentment, the Hubs and I had to make a decision…we would stop “trying”.
We decided no more testing, no doctor appointments, no holistic aids, just no more! We would politely (and sometimes rudely) tell our friends and family to stop giving advice. We would stop watching the calendar for the “perfect” timing. Finally, we would just start having fun with each other again. If God wanted us to have a baby, it would just happen.
We then put a timeline on it. If by the Hubs 40th birthday we were not pregnant, we would just give up on that possibility. Well, the Hubs just celebrated his 41st birthday last weekend and we have surpassed our timeline and still no baby.
I can’t tell you that some days aren’t hard! I can’t tell you that every time that monthly reminder comes my heart doesn’t break a little bit. But I can tell you that you can still have a good life! The Hubs and I remind each other that we have so much freedom that our other friends don’t. We can go on vacations, run away for the weekend, and stay up all night with no little one to worry about.
And when I want my fix…I just look at all the friends and family babies I can steal for an hour or so. Another way I get my “fix” in through my photography. I love taking pictures of kids (yes, I know I have said that already)! So, all is not dark and bleak because I don’t have the baby that I imagined I would have. What dream have you had to accept not coming true? How do you cope with that void?
Cheesy Chicken and Corn Chowder (adapted from the Pioneer Woman recipe)
- PREP TIME:
- 15 Minutes
- COOK TIME:
- 20 Minutes
- 12 Servings
- 4 Tablespoons 1/2 Stick Butter
- 1/2 Onion, Grated or 1 tsp onion powder
- 3 slices Bacon, Cut Into Pieces
- 3 whole Bell Peppers, Finely Diced (red, Yellow, Orange)
- 5 ears Corn, Kernels Sliced Off or 1 1/2 bags frozen corn (about 3 cups)
- 1/4 cup All-purpose Flour
- 3 cups Unsalted Chicken Stock
- 2 cups Half-and-half
- 1 cup (heaping) Grated Monterey Jack
- 1 cup (heaping) Pepper Jack
- 3 chicken breasts, Poached and cubed
- 1 jalapeno, Diced
In a large pot, cook bacon through. Next, add onions & melt butter for a couple of minutes. Then add diced bell peppers and jalapeno and cook for a couple of minutes. Finally, add corn and cook for a minute.
Sprinkle flour evenly over the top and stir to combine. Add in cooked chicken. Pour in broth and stir well. Allow this to thicken for 3 or 4 minutes, then reduce heat to low. Stir in half-and-half, then cover and allow to simmer/thicken for 15 minutes or so.
Stir in cheeses. When cheese is melted and the soup is hot, check seasonings. Add salt and pepper as needed.