Family is often a difficult thing for people. This is not different for me and my family. It can be a place of support or a place of conflict. A place of safety or that of worry. Often it can be all those things in one package. My family loves each other fiercely but can also be the cause of much heartache. Sometimes I look around and wonder how I fit in. Do you ever feel like that, like you are surrounded by a bunch of people that don’t understand you or you don’t “fit in” with?
We spend a lot of time together as family. Not all of us together but in the fractured pieces that make up the puzzle of our blended family. That is not an easy road to maneuver, as most of my parents do not have very positive feelings about each other. This also means that more often than not, someone is left out of something.
For me this is one of the hardest things about being part of my family!
- I hate that someone is not included!
- I hate that some people treat others with different expectations!
- I hate that people speak so cruelly about the others.
This to me, is not how family behaves!
As you have heard in my previous posts, my parents are recovering addicts. My mother faithfully works her steps, while my father copes in his own way. Neither is right or wrong but it just paints a picture of how different they are! My step-parents are also very different. My step-dad is a logical and analytical person who thinks and talks through things with purpose. My step-mom, on the other hand, is very emotional. Often she reacts to feelings and relates through emotion.
This is just one part of the family tree chaos. There are also five of us siblings that are not only extremely different from each other but that have a different relationships with each of the parents, it’s a regular soap opera actually! Then to top all that off, some of us siblings don’t have a relationship at all with some of the others.
It’s like being popular in high school…one day you are the top dog and everyone wants to talk to you, but then a rumor goes around school that you kissed your best friend’s boyfriend and you have fallen from your pedestal into the pit of isolation.
It’s an awkward place to be in, somewhere in the middle. Being included in some plans but not others. Being treated like and equal and then being treated differently depending on the moment. Being loved and being ignored. But they are my family. I take them for their great qualities and the ones that make me crazy.
Holidays are the hardest! Having to split time, split attention, miss out on some events to be a part of others. What do you do to try to cope with difficult family?
Here’s a boozy pudding recipe I recently tried. It is delicious! While I do not condone “using” alcohol to deal with your problems, I do think there are some times when a cocktail is not a bad thing to have. Give it a try and let me know what you think.